Seth Morris, Our Close Employee

Episode

70

Release Date

February 10, 2015

Episode Guide
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Betsy Sodaro, Our Close Friend	Nicole Byer, Our Close Friend

"Seth Morris, Our Close Employee" is the seventieth episode of Hollywood Handbook.

Official Earwolf Page

Earwolf Synopsis[]

The guys dig through their large backlog of negative feedback for an installment of “Eh, Wrong!”, open up some listener mail, then choose a good name for the mail segment. Then SETH MORRIS arrives to help launch “Talkin’ Turkey,” the first podcast from Hayes and Sean’s Wolfcool Network.

Notes & Memorable Quotes[]

Pre-Guest Segment[]

Hayes talking over the theme: So I'm gonna sit in with Cobra Starship, and it's assumed I'm gonna be the front-man, and they're like here's your guitar. And I'm like, oh -- no I'll just wear the drums, and so then I have the big bass hanging around my bellow the tongs on my chest, and the snares under my arm, and the symbols are on my shoulders, and to be like marching around the stage singing the song, and also playing this whole drum set on the stage is really rave culture to me.
Sean asks Hayes if he knows the snakes on a plane song, Hayes says he doesn't really know the words, but he does know lines from the movie, so he sung different lines from the movie. Hayes isn't really comfortable doing the song in a black voice, because he knows he'll upset some fans -- and Sean goes on to ask if it's offensive if he knows someone who is a brother, and they really talk in that way -- is it offensive for him to do an accurate impression of them? Sean has changed Hayes' mind and Hayes asks if he can do an impression again. Sean wants Hayes to do the impression -- and they both argue about who should do the impression. Then they agree that engineer Sam should do the impression: "There's snakes out there, and they're big" It doesn't sound anything like a brother at all. Sean tells Hayes to show him how it's done and Hayes jumps into the shows introduction
Hayes introduces the show and welcomes new listeners that may have heard them from their With Special Guest Lauren Lapkus appearance -- with new listeners comes people who don't understand what they're trying to do. It's the negative side of getting new listeners, you get negative people who don't understand what they're hearing and get so angry at what they're hearing.

Guest Segment[]

(unknown)

Recurring Segments[]

Ehh... Wrong! - Hayes wants to open the show up with Ehh... Wrong in response to all the negative feedback they've gotten this past week -- This fanbase claims to be very dedicated, yet they still haven't made a theme song yet
1. 1 star review from iTunes: Subject line - Ashamed, by yser Jay Carpe Diem - I get the kind of humor they're going for it's just weak. Sean and Hayes are funny and great I guess I just want the Reality Show Show back.
  - You can actually call this a Ehh... Wrong sandwich. Two pieces of Ehh... Wrong with an okay good job in the middle. If Sean and Hayes are funny and great, and if in fact you get the kind of humor we're going for -- isn't that AT LEAST a two star review? I mean ONE star?! Sean and Hayes have said many times that they only want and deserve 5 star reviews, but the fact that if the worst review they gave is one star? Weak is two stars, bad is one star. A cup of coffee that's not very good is three stars, a cup of water is two stars, and a cup of thumbtacks is one star. Cup of bugs is even worth a 3 star review, because even if it is scary, you can still eat it. So you know what? At this point just from making a weak cup of coffee that this person supposedly said Sean and Hayes did they're show is actually worth 4 stars. But it's not actually weak, it's very strong.
  - Sean and Hayes also add on that he doesn't miss the Reality Show Show
2. DelinoDeshields on the forums posted on the Betsy Sodaro episode: I don't get this show, or this corner of the forum, you fuckers are weird, the satire is lazy -- just wanted to say I love Betsy Sodaro.
  - This comment is Ehh... Wrong to say that you don't get this show. It's okay to say I don't get it, but then don't go on to say why you hate it. If you don't get it you should say "I don't get this show, can someone please tell me how funny smart and good it is? and why these guys are so cool, and how they got so cool? And why they're so nice." But what this person has chosen to do instead is not understand it then share their thoughts on what in thie head is very advanced math that they're not equipped to do -- but here's me trying to do it.
  - Sean asks what if he saw Il Postino -- and his review was, I don't speak Italian, but here's what I think of the quality of the dialogue. Isn't that a good example that Sean just came up with? And just by that example they've proven that this comment was Ehh... Wrong.
3. DelinoDeshields posted another comment on an earlier episode (busy boy) the Paul F Tompkins episode: PFT knows what's up, this was all fun and fine, but every episode he's done Stop Podcasting Yourself, was funnier better ever. I get the joke guys, but it's not enjoyable actual free conversation. Satire is lazy and / or for 15 year olds
  - This comment is Ehh... Wrong. First off you say that you get the joke, but you already admitted that you don't get what the show is. It's essentially to you that this show is Il Postino to someone who doesn't speak Italian -- so you can't say you get it. To watch Il Postino without speaking Italian, the postman shows up at the house and then they kiss -- if I didn't speak Italian you'd think that's weird, you don't kiss your mailman, you get mail from him. But if you speak Italian you understand why they're kissing.
  - Also, Stop Podcasting Yourself? What is that?
  - Hayes and Sean want to talk about satire. Hayes defines satire as any honest conversation -- It's an honor frankly to be compared to some of the satirical great in history like George Orwell, he is actually a real role model for them. So in that sidenote: to call Hayes and Seans work satire is Ehh... Right.
4. Another comment by DelinoDeshields discussing Lauren Lapkus' show he writes: Great showcase for how Lapkus is playful and inventive, and why she's so good on CBB, and Sean and Hayes just stick to their one note shtick like they're scarred or nervous somehow. They're satire if you like satire, but zero versatility, and a joke that died a long time ago I really don't get why anyone likes them
  1. Ehh... Wrong, but Sean would like to comment one one thing. This idea of them being scarred has been brought up before -- Okay you've tapped into something. One thing is, it's scary to be so truthful, and to speak against power in the way that they do. The second thing is Hayes is often smiling at Sean when he talks, and if you've ever seen someone smile, the teeth is part of the skellington of your body that you can see. So in a way Hayes smiling is Hayes' skellington trying to get out, and get at him.
  2. Delino -- I hope you're listening. Hayes has a big ol' smile right now, does he sound scarred to you? Sean gets scarred a little bit, because it's hard to not see or think of a skellington trying to escape or peeking out through the gums to say hmm... what do I see out here? If Hayes were scarred his teeth would be chattering. His knees aren't even knocking. Sean usually wears a mouth guard during the podcast out of respect to Hayes: One of them has to keep their cool! Sean urges Delino not to start thinking of someone smiling as the skellington creature that lives inside your body trying to get at you somehow, and crawling through the gums.
Il Postino - Sean and Hayes have some mail that they'd like to read. They work shopped this title a bit towards the end and decided on Il Postino
- Sean and Hayes have some mail -- and they congratulate everyone on a good first effort. They got a letter from Nicole (Hayes and Sean urge their listeners to use a female name when you send in mail to get the word out that they do have female listeners) It was sent on a postcard: Breaking bad news with baby animals from John Raffio played by Ben Schwartz. Hayes and Sean mention how they already have these, and the idea that they wouldn't have bought the funniest postcards on the market today is a little insulting. Hayes almost wants to send it back, but instead decides to give it to Sam
- Here's another letter from Anastasia Vigo -- it says: Hello Sean and Hayes, hi engineers (don't need that part) it talks about here I am sending you a letter (you don't have to say that they're reading the letter) Sean goes on to say there's a lot of wasted space, which could instead be used for compliments. She then says she hopes they never retire, which I mean what if they get too old and sick to do the job? Hayes and Sean think they have the right to retire if they want to. Then it says PS Greggy has never received the pro version (Well duh, he hasn't paid for the pro version.
- They also got a letter from Greggy: Dear Hayes and Sean, it says he likes the show, and he drew them a picture with suggestions from his son it says. It's a crayon drawing with the two of them with parachutes and the speedboat -- shoot sliding. There's a shark and a submarine, and greggy's driving the submarine. Hayes tells Greggy to not send them crayon drawings if you're an adult. If his son is drawing it's fine, but don't have your son present watching you do the crayon drawings -- to send to some fellow adults. You can give the crayons to the kid and have him draw it, or you can use some colored pencils like an adult but that's it. Now Hayes can't put it on his fridge, and have someone come over and ask oh who's that from and Hayes go, "oh that's from somebody's FATHER! drew this for me, in front of his kid"
Pro Version - Chefszki

Recurring Jokes[]

Talking to the Engineer - Sam does an impression of Ice Cube: "There's snakes out there, and they're big" It doesn't sound anything like a brother at all
Rando - George Orwells satire was so rando -- he was doing talking pigs before Skittles, or anybody! It's so rando, and it's in a book. Usually books are dusty and boring but this guy has pigs.
Too Scary - During the Ehh... Wrong segment Sean discusses how scary it is that a skellington lives inside of you and is trying to crawl out through your mouth to get at you.
Hamburger Sandwich - One way Sean prevents Hayes from being scared of the skellington that lives inside him from crawling out from his gums is he'll cover his mouth when he laughs, or he'll shove a humber sandwich in his mouth so that it's all covering up every piece inside.

Ads[]

Hey now geeks, dorks, dweebies, dweebets, geekets, dweebers, nerds, and losers! and cool guys too, but this isn't really for the cool guys. This is Earwolfman Jacks nephew Sean, and Hayes bet Sean that he couldn't do an ad by himself, but he's gonna do a good ad that he's gonna do good at. It's from lootcrate, and they did the ad for the show that Sean is doin' for them. They want to talk to all the gamers and geeks and nerds, and send you a crate of loot for only 20 bucks a month. You have to do it before 9PM PST on the 19th, and if you don't do it by then you're outta luck and you don't have anything. So before that go to lootcrate.com/hollywood -- the code is hollywood. Take that Hayes, cause that's the ad -- that's lootcrate.